Why I Didn’t Pay for My Most Important Lesson in College

Did you learn a lot when you were in college? I know I did. But the most important lesson I learned when I was in college wasn’t during a classroom experience. It didn’t happen while I was doing research in the library. It wasn’t even a boozy revelation during a game of beer pong. It was a far more basic moment than any of those.

I was crossing a street with two blind curves. Most of the drivers were my age, which meant they weren’t really thinking about pedestrian safety. I don’t remember exactly why I felt I needed to cross at that spot, but I’m sure it wasn’t necessary. So, I looked both ways, hoped I wasn’t doing something stupid, and ran.

Obviously, I lived to write about it. Nothing happened. Well, nothing bad happened. But at that moment, I realized that I was the only person holding myself back from accomplishing the things I wanted to accomplish.

I might have remembered something and needed to change direction. I might have seen a pretty girl who I briefly chatted with and privately mused about what might have been if I’d ever asked her out. It’s all fuzzy now. What mattered is that, at that very moment, I realized what the biggest obstacle to my success in life was: me.

That was the lesson: I’m the one getting in my way.

Speaking as a middle-aged guy with young children, I know now that the lesson I learned is not the one I’d get today if I were standing at that same spot. Today, I’d encourage my daughter to find a safer spot.

But playing it safe can be an obstacle too.

I still strive to overcome myself. Sometimes I succeed, like when I decided to create Elephant’s Bookshelf Press. I was already deep into the process of creating Spring Fevers, the first anthology from EBP. I had created the Elephant’s Bookshelf blog years before ever thinking about creating a publishing company. From there, it was an easy step to naming Elephant’s Bookshelf Press. Soon after, I was applying for an LLC. It seemed like a no-brainer.

But there are still lots of moments where I discover the speed bumps that my intellect constructs, and I suspect the same is true for you. How do you overcome your fears and your own nay-saying? Are you filled with self-doubt? Most writers I know still would admit to harboring that bugaboo.

Here’s what works for me:

Read and write voraciously. I’m lucky to work as a journalist, so I’m paid to read and write every day. But I also read as much as I can. And as widely as I can. This helps me to:

Think elastically. A creative mind is one that can stretch an old idea into something new or connect seemingly disparate concepts into something that feels altogether different. It may be the most important element of:

Innovation. Take what has worked in the past and break it down into its vital elephants… er, elements. Can any of those pieces be upgraded? If so, what happens?

Ask questions. Do you know how your favorite author got started? …

“Write” every day: Though I physically write at least five or six days a week, I keep a loose definition of writing here. To me, writing includes imagining. Many of my best ideas come when I’m not able to jot them down or expand on them. I often come up with ideas while watching my daughters in their swimming lessons. Perhaps I should, but I don’t take notebooks with me to the pool. But I love musing on where some characters or settings might go, even if it’s just 15-20 minutes to mentally play that day. Write every day and you’ll see your writing flourish.

Plan and schedule. I used to write on the fly and see where a story took me. I read an article by an author who broke down her routine on her blog and later built a book on how she turned her writing routine into a 10,000 word a day habit. The key was starting with a light outline of what she wanted to accomplish that day. It helped her organize her thoughts and focus her mind. I’ve tried to apply that not only to my personal writing but also the day of writing and editing in my day job. In many ways, I still write by my pants, but I know when I’m going to write now and have goals for words or tasks. Which leads to the next item …

Create – and stick to – deadlines: I apply deadlines to all goals: daily goals, weekly goals, monthly goals, quarterly goals, and annual goals. When I know I have a busy Saturday ahead with family stuff, I usually list all the things I need to accomplish and scratch them off when they’re done. Sometimes I even write down things I’ve already done before starting the list – run 3 miles, feed the cats – to mess with my own mind and convince myself I’m getting things done. Sometimes it also helps my wife know where I am and what I’m hoping to do; she’s been known to add to the list, too.

Establish some sort of accountability system. This is the tough one for me. The truth is, keeping accountable is very difficult for a lot of writers. It’s too easy to say, “Oh, I just don’t feel it today. I’ll write twice as long tomorrow.” Or to be distracted by any of the myriad legitimate interruptions that occur from day to day. Sick kid? Sick parent? Got to take the car to the shop? Any of these things can ruin a day or drag on to several. Having a good friend or a touchy acquaintance whose job is to harass you when you’re trying to blow off your writing time is a good idea in theory, but I’ve learned that it doesn’t work every time.

Reward yourself for your accomplishments. In contrast to the accountability issue, this can be too easy sometimes. It’s important to recognize your accomplishments, but celebrate worthy goals and with supportive techniques. You obviously don’t want to say, “if I finish 100 words today, I’ll celebrate by not writing at all tomorrow.” It’s not only too few words and likely to have accomplished little, but you’d be taking a step back by not writing the next day. But if your goal was 50,000 words for a month and you reached your goal, take your significant other out to dinner, or for some ice cream, or something else pleasant and festive. You deserve it.

Of course, you may have different issues that get in your way of your writing. I can only imagine. But maybe you have found ways to overcome them too. I’d love to hear from you. Please share!