Is There Any Such Thing as Bad Sex?

Proving that there can be an award for anything, the British Literary Review has bestowed its annual Bad Sex in Fiction Prize on the venerable John Updike. While he may have created a famous character named Rabbit, it seems his characters in general have not quite shown the same joie de vivre as a warren of horny bunnies.

Updike was honored for a lifetime of crude, tasteless, or ridiculous sex scenes. Although he's never won the annual award, he apparently has been on the short list (ouch!) four times. "Good sex or bad sex, he has kept us entertained for many years," the Review's editors said in a statement.

As someone whose written sex scenes have been both wince-inducing and enjoyed, I feel I can say that I'd rather not be known as a writer of bad fictional sex. However, I'd prefer that to being known for bad real sex.

A Dark and Stormy Contest

This is always a funny story that causes me to wince. If you've not heard of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, check out their Website. They have a good sense of humor.

For those who don't know already, Edward George Bulwer-Lytton wrote what is widely regarded as the WORST opening sentence to a novel in the English language. It's not simply bad that it starts "It was a dark and stormy night," but the opening pales in comparsion to what follows:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

Anyway, this year's "honorees" for the worst opening sentence of includes this wondershot: "Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped 'Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.' "

I wonder if the Washington writer who won also submitted his purple prose to the bad sex writing contest. If you go there, wear protection.

I realize these people are purposely writing this poorly, but it still makes me ill.